purpose

One way to change the ending to any story that may be messy is simply to first address WHY it is messy. HERE lies the biggest challenge really – THIS is where people tend to turn and run. Because FEAR is and always will be a liar.

FEAR KEEPS US RUNNING

We don’t understand that as we RUN we carry the weight of the unresolved mess WITH us. And the weight of it only will become heavier and harder to carry with each mile. Yet, most of us will keep running. Running seems like our only defense – if we stop, well – there IT is. And we KNOW this, whether we realize we do or not. Whatever you are running from, you are dragging it right along with you – into every nook and cranny of your future.

“Don’t let it arrest you
This fear is fear of fallin’ again…
We can dance upon our heartache, yeah
So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships
And don’t you look back.”
(“Burn The Ships” by for KING & COUNTRY)

If you stop and turn around to face that thing you are trying to escape from, you will find a strength in you that you never knew you possessed.

FACING YOUR FEARS

A head-on collision with the root cause of the mess is not fun, of course – would we really expect it to be? BUT the sheer relief of laying down a burden – of exposing shame or admitting a failure – busting a secret wide open to look at so you can repair the damage. It is so freeing to just let the buck stop here – to face the truth/ to fix what can be fixed or let go of what can’t and do it over again – or, write a NEW narrative.

THAT is exciting really – to realize that the mess does NOT have to define you. Your messy story matters – your messy story can be redeemed. Jesus came for that very purpose – to turn messes into MESSAGES. “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” (Quote from an old Japanese proverb)

HOW TO CHANGE A MESSY STORY

Is it fixable? Is it redoable? Is it something that requires an apology or a change of attitude? Does it require humility, or forgiveness? Do you need to heal from injustice and abuse? If you knew that such a responsibility lay on your shoulders, would you carry it? Would you own it? Would you be willing to go the distance? Would you put in the hard work? Make the sacrifices for the ones you love and the ones you may never know? I think this is what Jesus meant by ‘’laying down our lives”. We have to get past the ME factor – that part that defends ourselves or protects us from pain or shields us from further harm and/or confrontation. Proverbs 21:21 says: “Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.” In the Greek translation, the word pursue means to chase with significant effort, so giving it your all!

I have faced more falling down moments and run more miles than I care to admit, except that I am GOING to admit it. (way more than 7!) If I do NOT admit it, I will never change and change is what I am after. I just never really understood how much I needed TO change. God is patient and loving and understanding, even of our failures, but more so of WHY we fall.

When we choose to write a better ending to a previously messy or ugly story, there IS a price to pay. This does NOT come easy. You may lose people you thought would always be at your side. You might have to give up something that feels like a death to your heart. It might require sacrifices that seem impossible. You might have to backtrack and fix aLOT of potholes in the road behind you. There may be (and probably are) consequences left behind – the residue of whatever it initially was that broke you. You may not see the victory in YOUR lifetime. (uh oh)

CHANGE IS HARD WORK

I live in between the hidden lines of my story. I dwell in the AFTER of abuse and shame and pain and loss and failure and regret. Just because I have chosen to rise up above it and conquer it, does NOT mean there have been no consequences FROM it. In fact, the consequences are WHY I was compelled to write books.

Change is NEVER easy. But it is necessary. And I have found I can still live in the aftereffects of my sexual abuse and all the havoc it wreaked and have PEACE. Many things have not changed around me or in my life story. There were chapters that simply cannot be erased or deleted. They are still there when I look back. What had to change was ME.

To move on, the changes had to come from within. I fix what I am able to but the rest is out of my hands at this point – you can do repairs and renovations to your past, but some things will always stay broken. He is my redeemer and living in between the lines is where I dwell WITH Him. I am not alone. No matter how cringe-worthy I often feel when I uncover yet another of my imperfections or the imperfections of my life, I have learned to give Him the pen. Really, who writes the better ending for our stories – really, it is HIM. He patiently works with me – because He KNOWS the bottom line of who I am. He KNOWS I have a goal, even if I trip all the way there, and bloody my knees over and over, He KNOWS I want more and better, and He KNOWS ultimately I will choose right.

Rising up that eighth time. Sure. There’s that ONE defining moment that you RISE from your slumber – your fear – your loss – your failure and all the things that need to be faced and conquered. But. I have learned that rising up will then become an ongoing thing. A choice to keep pushing forward against all odds. The initial rise is only the starting point. It is now a journey of rising over and over and over.

JESUS NEVER CHANGES

THIS is a whole new level in our relationship – not on His part; He hasn’t changed – but on MY part, I am completely different. Seems a good place right here for a powerful quote from the T.V. series The Chosen – “I was one way and now I am completely different. And the thing that happened in between was Him.” THIS. Knowing Jesus correctly is all the reason I can write a different narrative for my story.

I trust Him and accept Him as my heavenly father. It is all the reason I can stare down my enemies and see them for the liars they are. It is all the reason I can even breathe. It is all the reason I can get back up the 8th time. Or the 18745th time. Jesus is the reason I can do THIS because every morning He offers me a clean slate on which to stand again.

“I need You like the breath I’m breathing
Please
Come and win this fight
I’ve let my white flag fly
I know You are the strength I’m needing
Please (oh)
Please
Jesus, help me please.”
(“Please” by Katy Nichole)

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